I’m Back from Hell

also known as Florida, and I have yet another reason to hate that State: in Fort Lauderdale, the public drinking/bathing water is the color of diluted pee.

I first discovered this in my hotel room, after taking a redeye Wednesday night and putting in way too long a day Thursday. By 11pm (2am my time), I needed a drink and a long hot soaking bath, preferably both at the same time.

So I filled the tub, and noticed the pale yellow color of the water. “That’s some pretty crappy fluorescent lights they’ve got in this bathroom,” thought I, as I stepped in for a soak.

The next day, I asked to use the restroom at the place we were working, and noticed that the person before me evidently hadn’t flushed. “Damn filthy Floridians,” I grumbled under my breath. So I flushed, and the fresh water was the same color. Did it again, with the same result. The lighting was incandescent. Started to feel really queasy about my bath.

Our genial host was gracious enough not to ROTFL at my all-too-casual question about the color of the water. Seems that it’s just chock-full of chlorine and other chemicals to make it safe to bathe in, but that also make it unwise to drink.

Of course, I was stupid enough to preface my question with the story of my bath the previous night, so she may have just been being kind about it being safe for bathing. Needless to say, now that I’m home I just took a scalding twenty-minute shower and scrubbed my skin raw.

The only positive thing for me about Lauderdamndale would have been visiting Travis McGee’s famous slip F-18 at Bahia Mar, but I knew before we departed that we wouldn’t have time for that sort of thing. So between that and missing Boomershoot, I was in a foul mood to begin with. Bathing in piss-water just made it that much worse. Why anybody lives in Florida is beyond me. The place just sucks.

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8 Responses to I’m Back from Hell


    The Second Amendment means nothing outside of hunting.

    Our forefathers gave us that right to fend off a military takeover in the U.S. – by
    either the left or the right.

    Apparently, since most gun owners are far right they didn’t see fit to fight the far
    right takeover so here we are. On the verge of martial law.

    You’ll imitate your German counterparts of 70 years ago. You’ll allow them to take away
    any weapon that gives you parity with the military. You know you barely made a peep when
    the Brady Bill took away your assault rifles, which is what you’ll need to effectively
    combat troops.

    What a bunch of cowards, and what a sore disgrace you are to our forefathers who gave
    their blood for the likes of you.

    In Jesus’ Glorious and Holy name,
    Dean Berry — Real American


    [email protected]

  2. AnalogKid says:

    Did you bring this one along with you from Fort Liquordale, there David?

    Eh, no matter. Welcome home, sir.

  3. Morenuancedthanyou says:

    I spent a week in Austin, Texas in July, 1999. The shower and tap water in the hotel smelled like a sewer. That city had far too many people for its water resources, and I doubt it is any better off now, 7 years later.

  4. emdfl says:

    No, the problem isn’t the amount of chlorine in the water, it’s that we’re not allowed to use chlorine any more and have to use some sort of florine compound instead. Makes the water look like piss and taste even worse. But the wetlands are all safer, BLAAAAAGH!!!
    Oh, yeah, the new stuff doesn’t kill bad bugs in the water as well either, so sooner or later, those wetlands are going to be F****D.

  5. Bullseye says:

    I’ve lived in Florida all my life. I bathe in my chlorinated pool and avoid drinking the water by consuming nothing but bottled beer and tequilla.
    By the way, did’ya make it out to the Markham Park pistol/rifle range?

  6. David says:

    Yeah, I noticed we had to ask for water (just like in Europe!) at the restaurants. Nope, wasn’t able to make it to Markham Park. We ended up flying over light with no checked bags but with a bunch of tough Guide Gear giant duffels, as we knew we’d be flying back with those duffels full of documents and paperwork, two allocated per man to take as much advantage as possible of the “free” shipping afforded by our plane tickets. Thus, I had no checked-bag allowance, so for the first time since 9/11 I flew without a firearm. Felt kinda naked.

    Even if I had brought a gun or two, we simply didn’t have time to do any kind of recreation at all. But it was definitely nice to know about Markham — had the deal gone south, we’d have been there in a heartbeat hoping they rented pistols.

    Bullseye, I just gotta know — what keeps you there in Lauderdale?

  7. Bullseye says:

    Other than being born here, I haven’t a clue.

  8. David says:

    Well, at least you can get a CCW permit and (I think) own Class III firearms. Having no humidity and tasty drinking water in Cali doesn’t quite make up for that.

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