You won’t need a beverage for this one.
Now, gentlemen, spread your knees as far apart as you can. Then, make a fist with your strong hand.
Next, swing that freshly made fist straight into your crotch.
You have just demonstrated what the Republican Party has been doing to itself, first in Iowa and now in New Hampshire.
The last two presidential election cycles have revealed a stinking hypocrisy in conservatives: They profess their love of capitalism and entrepreneurship, but when offered a real capitalist and entrepreneur, they go, “Eek, a mouse!” And they tear him down in proud social-democrat fashion. In the off season, they sound like Friedrich Hayek. When the game is on, they sound like Huey Long, Bella Abzug, or Bob Shrum.
Last time around, Mike Huckabee said Romney “looks like the guy who laid you off.” Conservatives reacted like this was the greatest mot since Voltaire or something.
Phil Gramm once explained to Bill Buckley why he never talked about free trade on the stump — he, a professor of economics and a free-marketeer: It wasn’t worth the trouble. “Free trade benefits almost everybody,” said Gramm. “But they don’t know who they are. Free trade hurts a few, and they all know who they are.”
Over and over, Romney defends and explains capitalism. And he’s supposed to be the RINO and squish in the race? That’s what I read in the conservative blogosphere, every day. What do you have to do to be a “real conservative”? Speak bad English and belch?
In the Saturday debate, Santorum knocked Romney for being just a “manager,” just a “CEO,” not fit to be president and commander-in-chief. This was odd for a couple of reasons: First, Romney did have a term as governor of Massachusetts (meaning he has executive political experience, unlike Santorum). And second: Since when do conservative Republicans denigrate private-sector experience?
About 800 times, Newt Gingrich told us to read a particular newspaper, to see what a capitalist meanie Romney was. What was the newspaper? The New York Times, of course. There’s a great slogan for our conservative visionary: “Read the New York Times!”
The guy has a point, and it’s not on the top of his head.
I’m no Romney fan, but great googly-moogly, do any of the other candidates have the slightest idea how much they sound like folks on the dKos right about now?
And would somebody on that side of the country stick a pair of bumper nuts in Huntsman’s mouth and shut him the fuck up. I want someone in the Executive Office who likes to fire people. For fuck’s sake, pink slips for 10% of the federal workforce sounds like a good first month to me.
And if you don’t think that after the words left his mouth that that was one of the first thoughts that ran through the shallow minds of federal desk jockeys across the country, causing them to have to take a break so they could change their shorts, then you haven’t been paying attention.